Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Stop the World, I Want to Get Off!

After a particularly horrible day yesterday, I have decided this is my new motto. I came home and went to bed at 8:00. It has been years since I did that. All I wanted was to pull the covers over my head and stop thinking. Of course that couldn't last. My mind keeps going so now it is the middle of the night and I am awake. I read a few blogs and tried to get life off of my mind.

I am usually better at this. By "this" I mean putting things in perspective. In the grand scheme of life, why should I care about work or the little problems that my day brings that probably won't seem so big in a few days? Knowing that makes it all the more annoying. I am my biggest critic and right now I am giving myself a hard time. That really sounds like I have multiple personality disorder doesn't it?

Indulge me here, but when I get in this kind of funk, I tend to overthink. Today's epiphany is the difference between loyalty and obligation. For years, I have functioned under the pretense that I am a loyal employee. I keep the secrets, sacrifice, and plan my life around work. Is it really about loyalty? Are these decisions based on making "good career choices?" What I realized tonight is that loyalty feels good. It really is a choice. What I am experiencing is an obligation and it feels like crap.

The good news? I can't stand pessimism and self-doubt so this mood won't last long.

1 comment:

Rachel said...

I love reading your blog! Thanks for the chuckles and the nods of agreement!