Things Are Looking Up

It hasn't been easy, but lately things are looking up. I recently had an opportunity to discuss an issue with a bitchy coworker. Of course she tried to control the conversation but I worked it all to my advantage.

The key to getting what you want AND getting people to do what you want goes something like this:

• Make sure the other person comes to you. Don't request a meeting, say something is wrong, or look generally pathetic. My coworker did all of these things. I knew she would because I slowly tormented her until she broke. Don't you want to work with me?
• NEVER get emotional. Don't get defensive, cry, or raise your voice. Whether you are right or wrong, if you do any of those things, you will LOSE. My coworker tried this. She started off the conversation by being nice, yet controlling. When confronted, she turned bitchy. What did I do? Nothing. This doesn't mean checking out of the conversation, it means not changing my demeanor. In essence, I acted like she didn't turn bitchy. That confused her enough for her to notice how ridiculous she was acting. Then, right when she got embarrassed, I moved in for the kill and threw a few truths her way .....again, calmly. Essentially, calmly and professionally, I made an ass out of her in such a way that she couldn't argue with.
• Speed. Don't try to be JFK and win a speed talking contest in these situations. I am naturally a fast speaker but to get the upper hand in these situations, you have to talk slowly. Not Bill Clinton slowly but keep your speaking deliberate. It forces others to slow down their speaking and allows you to control everything from there. If you doubt this, have you ever heard someone yelling slowly? It doesn't happen.
• Don't agree to compromise. Compromise seems like a good thing but it is really a way of giving someone what they want that you really don't mind them having. That isn't the same as getting something you want. It puts all of the control in their hands. It only gets worse after you agree to a compromise.
• When having a meeting or discussion about issues, appear indifferent. While I don't get emotionally attached to my coworkers and don't expect to even like them, I make a point of telling my coworkers these viewpoints. This ensures a step ahead for me because they do care. I realize this may make me appear cold but I'm not. I am simply choosy about those I consider friends. Think about it, if someone was really a friend, you wouldn't need to have a discussion like this with them. Why? Real friends give you the benefit of the doubt and realize you have their best interests at heart. So, if you have to ask and require assurances, you aren't a friend of mine.
• Tell the truth. This coworker I met with actually said this. "We don't have to be friends if you don't want to." My interpretation of this sentence was, "Your pathetic ass is mine." Ok, so now I sound downright nasty but do keep in mind this is the same coworker who did something completely petty and unprofessional to me and is only sorry she got caught. Key here, sorry she got caught, not sorry she did it. In my world, this type of behavior is an open invitation to my most vengeful behavior.

Side note...

• Vengeful behavior must be handled carefully. Don't make it obvious. For me, vengeful behavior must be handled passively. It's not my personality to be passive in any way but at work, you have to be. Anything else makes it obvious and you will destroy your career. This isn't too difficult for me because I am surrounded by idiots. All I have to do is let their mistakes hang out. A few innocent questions to my boss, such as, "Do you know if Dummy #1 has handled that issue?" when I know they didn't works wonders. The boss now realizes and I jump in to save the day. I ending up saving the day under the guise of helping a coworker (and my boss) and dummy #1 looks like an idiot. How can anyone get mad at me? Usually I notice these things and take care of it out of genuine teamwork but when crossed, the same behavior works to my advantage. It's difficult for anyone to argue with behavior that isn't out of the ordinary for me. Perfect!

Back to the meeting...

• The proof of my upper hand was affirmed throughout the meeting. My coworker started this meeting with and repeatedly said, "You're the ultimate professional." She is talking about my knowledge, my professionalism, and my work product. What she doesn't realize is how manipulated she ended up. Everything happened exactly as I planned. By now you are thinking, "psycho" but keep in mind, she started this by questioning my professionalism in some vain attempt to flatter her faltering ego. She only has herself to blame for the outcome. I used to treat her as an equal and tried to share a few of my tips to getting what you need through subtle wordplay (manipulation). Now, I won't save her ass (done many times), I won't let little things that she does (done many times) and I won't share any of my expertise (done many times). I will become a silo of information that only provides it to her when she asks (begs) for it.

The outcome of this meeting has been great for me. She is extraordinarily considerate and is honeymooning me with her kindness. Keep it up! My behavior changes? Nada!

The best part of this and a true measure of my success is that she doesn't realize she lost. It's irrelevant to me and actually works to my advantage.

If you have ever gotten something without having to ask for it or give anything up in exchange, you won. If the other person doesn't figure that out, you are at the top of your game.

Now you can see why ER is my specialty.

Be Careful

Writing comments on post-its about your coworkers may seem like a good idea.

Until they see them.

Here's a New One

I was at work the other day when a coworker started venting to me about another coworker. I was listening, thinking of constructive things to say, inserting supporting phases, helping to strategize, etc. when the unthinkable happened.

When referring to the problem at hand and the person causing said problem, my coworker said, "And then it's going to be 'game on bitch".

Whoa!

As an eager viewer of Big Brother, I have heard this phrase before. I actually consider the workplace to be versions of Big Brother and, on some days, Survivor. That being said, I haven't actually heard someone say this at work. My reaction? Laughter.

This particular situation has been ongoing for years but has finally gone too far. The object of "Game on, Bitch" needs to be dealt with.

After the laughter subsided, I helped my coworker strategize a bit for a couple of meetings to deal with the situation. It's all so ridiculous but the unprofessional behavior of some inevitably leads to a decision.

Kill or be killed? Of course it's not that extreme but it is a do or die situation nevertheless.

In the end, we discussed impacts on productivity, inefficiency, and role clarification.

See, game on, bitch can be productive.

One-sided?

Cccritique created a blog criticizing the HR field. While I am shocked by the lack of love for HR (not), I am a bit surprised to discover a blogger who filters readers.

You see, for me to spend a considerable amount of time responding (thoughtfully, too) and see my comments deleted is a bit annoying. If that was the point, mission accomplished. My inclination is in another direction though.

I think I was making sense and that didn't support said blogger's cause. Isn't the exchange of information the point of blogging? If a blogger really wants to read his or her own thoughts, why bother having readers?

A Second Look

Totally Consumed has a post on rejected candidates. It's rare to have a rejected candidate "put themselves" out there by asking for feedback. In fact, it's so rare that I remember these people.

When candidates are hired, HR is done with them (from an applicant standpoint). Of course, this is a very great thing because the process was a raving success and we can move on to the next recruitment. Unless we work closely with them as an employee, we are done knowing about their skills.

This is where rejected candidates come into play. They have to work harder for it. They are working to find out why they weren't a fit, whether we might have something else for them, etc. I get to know these people in a way. Because their continued interest is so unusual, I remember them.

There have been a few of these candidates who have gone on to be hired. Some I have actually recommended. Not for hire of course but for consideration.

Is it a big surprise that these eventual employees are often the best employees we have?

In fact, I was once one of these rejected candidates. Let that be a lesson...

Time for Clarification

I saw the article below on Careerbuilder. I took a couple of minutes to count my signs and realized I am in bad shape.

The timing of this article was interesting. In fact, a few days ago I saw this article on I Hate Your Job. It made me realize I may be giving the wrong impression on my blog. In fact the quote below, "I like what I do, I just don't like where I work" says it all for me. Have a done a good job of leaving that impression? I am beginning to wonder.

Unlike those described in the article on I Hate Your Job, I know I am a solid performer. As HR professionals, we have all seen employees who believe they are the cream of the crop who in reality are the worst employees. This isn't me. In fact, I often get annoyed at myself for caring and working as hard as I do.

So, if you believe I hate doing my job, I haven't described it well enough. If you realize I am surrounded by incompetent idiots who make me wonder why I bother, I have done something right.

I keep going because I have a couple of the best coworkers anyone could ask for. What they have in common with me is a commitment to professionalism, the ability to solicit, accept, and provide (sometimes when I don't want it!) constructive feedback, and a fantastic sense of humor. They are largely responsible for my sanity and have a way of knowing when I need a pep talk.

Finally, I am waiting for the right opportunity before making a move. If I leave at the wrong time, it wouldn't be in the best interest of my career or family. Smack my egotistical head if you feel the need, but I have a solid resume so I don't need to run into another mess.

Without further ado, here is the article that has verified my need for a new job:

10 Signs It's Time to Quit

"I like what I do. I just don't like where I work." Sound familiar?

From unbearable co-workers to depressing work environments, there things that can make even the best job a living hell. Here are some signs it's time to look for a new job.

Sign No. 1: Your co-workers are annoying.

Obnoxious people can invade your work life. Let's face it, not everyone gets along perfectly. But you need to have some sort of harmonious relationship with fellow employees to get the job done. How are you supposed to get any work done when these guys keep getting in the way? They are distracting and impede productivity. Most offices have a Gossip, that one person who has the "scoop" all the time and is not afraid to share it. Misery loves company, and finds it often in the Whiner, who isn't afraid to complain and bellyache. And everyone has the Neighbor whose noisy distractions include his cellular ringtone, speakerphone and radio.

Sign No. 2: The environment is toxic.

Everyone experiences job highs and lows, but discontent could also be a sign of a chronically depressing work environment or even a company in peril. A bad work environment is reflective of the culture of an entire business. Do you work in a less-than-nurturing atmosphere? Is morale constantly low? Have you been complaining for two solid years? It could be an organizational problem that applying feng shui to your cube just won't fix.

Sign No. 3: You're mentally exhausted by the end of the day.

Stress can cause low morale, decreased productivity and apathy towards work. Plus, it can spill into your personal life and even have a negative effect on your health. Today there are fewer people who are taking on more and more work. American workers experience burnout at an alarming rate. According to CareerBuilder, 68 percent of workers feel burnout at work, and 45 percent said their workloads are too heavy. Yes, we all have to pick up some slack and "take one for the team" from time to time. But if there's no end in sight, do yourself and your health a favor and dust off your résumé.

Sign No. 4: Your boss is a nightmare.

Even though this person is your boss, it doesn't give him license to do anything he wants. If you have a lousy boss, even the best job in the world can make life a living hell. Your relationship with your supervisor plays a big role in your overall professional happiness and success. Fighting to have your boss removed or waiting for your boss to change or get fired are rarely successful tactics. If you are working for someone who is always absent, unavailable, self-absorbed or untrustworthy, it's time to look for a better supervisor and a better opportunity.

Sign No. 5: You're watching the clock... every 10 minutes.

Though you might not like to work, it's even worse when you are bored while you're there. One can only watch so many videos on YouTube or bid on unneeded things on eBay. If you aren't feeling challenged, that's a sign that you need additional responsibilities or a change roles. And be warned, if you don't have any responsibility or find yourself with nothing to do, management might be trying to phase you out and you might be in danger of losing your job.

Sign No. 6: You get no respect.

Does any of this sound familiar? Your ideas aren't taken seriously; there are no opportunities for advancement; the boss ignores you; co-workers alienate you; you're discouraged from improving skills with a course or seminar; you're passed over for a promotion -- again; or you're excluded from key projects and strategizing sessions. So why are you still giving this organization your time, energy and great ideas?

Sign No. 7: Your co-workers act like animals.

They live for themselves and only themselves. They irritate you. They offend you. They have no manners or ethics. And you work with them all. There's the Office Thief who steals your ideas. The Shirker arrives late, leaves early and disappears whenever work is near. The Buck-passer unloads her work onto everyone else and blames others for her mistakes. The Procrastinator delays things until the last possible minute, slowing you down by not having the information you need to meet your deadlines. The Interrupter stops by your cubicle 10 times a day to chat about her latest boyfriend despite your ringing telephone and pressing deadlines. And don't forget the infamous Elevator Person who rides up only one floor instead of taking the stairs.

Sign No. 8: Nobody communicates.

Although we live in a world of e-mail, cell phones, instant messages, Blackberries, WiFi and, yes, even face-to-face conversation, there can still be a complete lack of communication. Whether it's a co-worker who's not returning your voice mail or the CEO not conveying a company's goals and accomplishments, the breakdown of communication can be frustrating and detrimental to your job. It can cost you an account, make you to miss a deadline, cause you to lose a client, and even get you fired.

Sign No. 9: You're not valued.

Forty-three percent of workers do not feel appreciated, and one-fourth of workers feel that they are just a "number" within their organization. You need to realize that you deserve credit for your successes. Recognition is important, and good companies implement programs to let employees know they are valued. Is your company doing anything to reward your efforts? Do you ever receive bonuses, perks or positive feedback? If your boss has never heard of positive reinforcement verbal or otherwise, find a company that will value your talents.

Sign No. 10: You feel stifled.

What kind of quality of life do you have? Is your 40-hour week turning into a 24/7 grind? While salary may seem like the end all and be all, your quality of life determines your overall happiness. How much time you spend on the job, working conditions, supervisors and subordinates can positively and negatively impact your job outlook. If you dread the time you spent at work, it should be a clear indicator that it's time to break free. A job shouldn't stifle you creatively, mentally or physically.

Bottom line: Considering what you don't like about your current situation should give you insight into what you are seeking in future endeavors. If you know what your priorities and preferences are and actively seek them, work can be an enjoyable experience. If, however, you've answered yes to more than four of these signs, then you might want to get started on a new job search.