Songs

Here's my list of song titles to describe the work environment:

• The Bitch is Back. This one applies to numerous people. I think everyone can relate.
• I Touch Myself. I often hum this one when I think of employees who are prone to a taking nude photos of themselves then store said photos on their work computer.
• I Say A Little Prayer for You. Actually it is for me but you get the idea.
• Welcome to the Jungle. Presidential candidates choose appropriate songs to capture their campaigns, so why wouldn't my HR Manager follow suit?
• I Will Survive. Helps me make it through the day.
• Janie's Got a Gun. Not me but I can't say the same for other employees. Not funny huh? Actually it is.
• Take this Job and Shove It. Isn't this really the dream of every employee? If I ever get the opportunity to say it, I will also tell Mr. Shit4Brains where he can shove it.....in nauseating detail.

Check out this video. It made my night.

I've Lost that Loving Feeling

I am at a low point in my career. Morale tends to have peaks and valleys but this is different. This valley is full of quicksand and I am getting tired of trying to claw my way out.

Sadly, this has very little to do with my job duties.

This all stems from management or the lack of. The new HR Manager we have is literally running the place into the ground. While it may seem to the casual observer that the result will be his exit but I don't think so.

As I mentioned before, he is a tool for upper management. That being said, I don't think upper management cares that he is incompetent as long as he plays his role as their mole.

Does this shock me? Frankly no but it is demoralizing. It's very difficult to be in the trenches, trying to make HR seem valuable, with this kind of behavior going on. Of course, like sheep, everyone down the chain has jumped on this train to hell.

My boss has shown that her ethics are for sale to the highest bidder. Afterall, isn't career growth measured by new title and a higher salary? If only it were that simple.

I work in HR because I can be the middleman between employees and management. Those who don't work in HR probably don't realize how much we can do for you but it takes a lot of support from upper management to let us do that.

It would not be possible for me to work in an environment where HR was solely an advocate for management. This transformation has happened to my department. I want to believe this can't last and keep going along, fighting the good fight but how long can I last?

Forget advocacy. This has become HR playing the role of the hit man for management. It's so far beyond dirty and downright unethical that making it through the day is a struggle.

So far I have managed to stay out of the filth but it doesn't leave me many options for the things I want to do. Real things that can make a difference in the employee relations realm are not priorities for HR's management or upper management.

This brings me to my career growth. Previously, my satisfaction with my job relied heavily on the autonomy I was given.

Now, what appears to be autonomy is really misapplied accountability. Translation? "Let me treat you like a toddler on a leash yet hold you responsible for mistakes HR's management team makes in their vain attempts to tread water."

It will take a couple of suicides or workplace violence episodes to wake anyone up. Even if those things did happen, they wouldn't care. More lip service would ensue. If someone does decide to bring a gun to work, I wouldn't be surprised if they headed straight to HR. .

Thankfully most work shooters have targets. I don't think I am at the top of a hit list. Sad when that is the bright side of things, huh?.

Would you like some lube with that?

The interesting thing about getting screwed over by your boss is how it happens. You don't receive a memo or email announcing the impending knife in your back. Still, it amazes me how stupid my boss can be and how cowardly she reacts when confronted.

Before I continue, let's go back to the good old days of geometry for a few givens of the workplace.

• Know you will be screwed. It's not a matter of luck, it will happen. You may be able to control how bad it is and how you react, but accept that someone (almost everyone) will attempt to screw you over.
• Your boss is not to be trusted. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Enough said?
• Along the lines of above, don't trust your coworkers. They don't care. Many people operate under the assumption that all's fair in love and war AND work. While you don't have to perpetuate that, you need to realize others operate that way. Once in a while, you can meet someone who can be a good friend (I have a couple of those) but they are freak (like my friends) occurrences.
• Realize everyone does not share your work ethic, sense of morality, or definition of friendship.
• Don't take things personally. Of course that is easier said than done but you can't take work relationships seriously if you plan to survive 40 years of working. You will be mental in no time. I am not advocating hugs and kisses in the workplace, but you shouldn't waste time or energy evaluating why people don't like you or why this happened to such a great person like yourself. Nope, strategically retaliate and vow to protect yourself better in the future. Soon enough, people will learn not to screw with you.
• People have a vested interest in making you look worse in an attempt to make themselves look better. Don't do this. While you may suceed a couple of times, realize you will be found out and be hated for the rest of your career. Even if you appear to be valued, it is really for being a snitch or a gossip. No one respects you.
• Speaking of respect, it is true that you need to decide whether you want to be liked or respected. While you may end up being liked, at work you have to be respected first. Those who are only liked get bent over first.
• Documentation might save your ass. If you don't save emails, document conversations, and follow up, you are practically dropping your pants and grabbing your ankles.

If anyone remembers anything I ever wrote, remember this.....you have to watch your back all the time at work. You will never last, nevermind be successful, if you don't. I am not talking about paranoid fantasies day in and day out. No, but you need to realize work is a big game. As I have written before, it is a chess game. You are on the board and unless you want to be pushed off, you better watch all the action and your back.

Speaking of fantasies, if I could map out my way to make a million, it would be by writing a book about being strategic at work. Of course, being an HR professional, the expectation would be that I mean strategic planning, thinking, and change. If only it were that simple.

I mean being strategic about your work persona. You need one. You can't be "you" at work. If you are the same person at work as you are at home, you will be the first one screwed. Being yourself is like leaving your front door unlocked and then crying about your house being burglarized. You can't share personal things, let people (especially your boss) know you are living paycheck to paycheck, or anything else that exposes a weakness.

But I digress.....

It may be a bit confusing after everything I wrote that my boss attempted backstab me. While I wasn't completely shocked, it does amaze me the depths that some people are willing to sink when don't have the skills or balls to do their jobs. Suffice it to say that while she wasn't deliberately trying to screw me, she did attempt to use me as an excuse to address another issue instead of dealing with it head-on.

Aside from the fact that being aware doesn't mean it can't happen, it was a combination of an act of God and karma that led to the revelation of my boss's attempt.

After some consultation with trusted advisers, I quickly struck back in a manner that let her know I knew without having a bad confrontation. In fact, I may have actually come out ahead by taking advantage of the situation to get something for me. We'll see. Regardless, I do enjoy listening to someone squirm who tried to screw me over.

Headed for Trouble

No, I haven't written a book but I have found the perfect one to read.

Mr. Shit4Brains, the new HR Manager, continued his descend of self-destruction so I have to cherish the moment.

He has a huge presentation to the CEO coming up. Of course, a smart manager would utilize the resources and expertise he has at this disposal, right?

Wrong! He has made the mistake of believing his own bullshit. Add to that the bullshit those who kiss his ass heap on and he's got himself quite a pile. A pile of useless, ridiculous shit.

I LOVE IT!

Keep it up, I say. If he didn't continually make a fool out of himself, how would I make it through the day?

There are a couple of us who actually know what we are talking about and have tried to help him. He simply cannot look beyond his own ego to listen. If he would listen to the why in an explanation and try to comprehend it, he might stand a chance.

That would be too easy.

Honestly, I believe he is so used to bullshitting and getting away with it that he doesn't realize he has run out of material. Critical errors surround him like the pack of idiots he has helping him.

Management error ---Don't assume titles make a person valuable. He should realize the people in question got into their positions through BS, sexual favors, or simple luck. Trust me, expertise was not in the mix.

Oh well, I will lay my weary head down tonight relishing the fact that I have a front row seat to the fiasco coming later this week.

Too bad I won't have a camera.

Resurrected.........Again

In the spirit of my blog, life at work is pissing me off. We have a new HR Manager who is nothing short of a complete ass. He knows nothing, makes poor decisions, and treats everyone like they are a toddler.

How does this happen? While the concept of having a job I am not qualified for does not appeal to me, the paycheck does. Minions can get by and know very little, but how do people get high level jobs and lack common sense?

Back to the ass.......

Aside from being a company "yes" man (ass kissing largely explains his success), he is a "we" man.

"How are WE doing on that project?" What I want to say is, "You mean ME and I haven't done shit because your projects are subject to change from moment to moment."

And change they do. Scary part is that I don't hear that the focus has changed or the whole project has been scrapped from him. Oh no, it comes through the grapevine or in passing.

Another thing he says that makes me want to rip his head off? Instead of asking, "How are you today?" he says, "And how is Ms. Pinkskip today?" Fucker. The worst part is how he says it. Huge smile on his face, all appearances a friendly greeting, yet it smacks of condescension.

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, my judgement is not based on wanting his job. No thanks! Is it wrong of me to want a competent manager? It's embarrassing to our entire department to have this so-called leader.

Common sense would lead me to believe he would utilize the expertise of his staff. You know, rip off all the good ideas and present them as his own. While he does dabble in this behavior, he truly doesn't know enough about HR to take full advantage of the opportunity to do this.

Even when something is explained to him, he thinks he knows and makes ridiculous decisions. It's getting harder to avoid an obvious reaction to these decisions. These include laughing, fainting, or vomiting.

Most people have experienced situations with an embarrassing family member, friend, or coworker. How much credibility can the HR staff maintain with Mr. Shit4Brains at the helm?

That is the worst part. Those of us with a strong work ethic who are essentially screwed by association.

I am patiently waiting for his demise. I believe he is merely a tool (in more ways than one) for upper management to use and dispose of. In the meantime, the size of his head and my disbelief increase daily.