These Kids Today...

Some call them Generation Y, I call them pompous, entitlement mongers who expect to jump over everyone else in their rise to the top.

Don't get me wrong. If you work hard and leapfrog over dead weight, more power to you. The problem I have is how these brats begin their careers with not only that expectation, but an attitude to match.

These folks are making a steady showing in the workplace but their presence also creates a new generation of problems. Recruitment and retention has to be more creative not only for the continuing labor shortage but to accommodate this new breed of babies.

Here are their main concerns:

• How big is my office, does it have a window?
• When and how large will my first raise be?
• How long have you been in your job? (Trust me, you don't want my job and if stealing it is on your mind, I will hand it over faster than my car keys to a carjacker)
• Which fruit bowl should I bring to meeting? Seriously, if anyone reading this regularly eats food in a meeting, STOP. Unless it is a working lunch, it's nasty watching someone eat, especially if they talk while eating.

How to spot one of these Gen Y folks:

• They look young enough to still be riding a school bus.
• They work their lives around their interests, not work or family. When I was pregnant, one of these types was hired. When she started, she asked me when I was starting my maternity leave. Apparently my large midsection didn't mesh with her idea of an ideal work environment. I now realize how seniors feel about people asking them when they are going to move into a senior community.
• They act like they know everything and love to brag about all the opportunities they have gotten. My response? "Those are great opportunities when you are getting started. A perfect way to get your feet wet." Aren't I a bitch? They ask for it.
• They are annoying little bundles of energy who bounce down halls proclaiming "Good Morning" at 7:00 a.m.
• They love talking about how they go to the gym in the middle of the night before work.
• They think they are going to rise to the top. While I admire their optimism, they have a lot to learn. Nothing replaces good old experience and they are lacking it. They remind me of those professors I had in college who really were professional students. I learned fairly quickly to take night classes so I could learn something from those with the ability to teach and do the job.
• They act like they have a big secret. Of course this big secret is they believe everyone is in awe of them and without their presence, this place would be a sinking ship. While their spunk may energize an office and they are told they are doing "GREAT' in their careers, they have a long way to go. When the going gets tough, they are not at the top of the go-to list. Of course they don't see this because they are too busy eating a bowl of fruit.

I love sitting in team meetings with these fireballs. When a complex topic is raised and they are out of their league, I 'd love to put one of these children on the spot. Could I say, "Once Marcia stops eating, she can enlighten all of us."

Once in a while, one of them will "contribute to the conversation." It starts with a condescending giggle or eye roll that insinuates how easy the solution is. I love watching them spew out a oversimplified "fix" to a complex problem.

While I don't speak with the sole purpose of humiliating them, it's not difficult to have something worthwhile to contribute. After all, I am an experienced HR professional, right? A big factor in these scenarios is whether they tried to humiliate someone else to make themselves look better. It's a two for one. Teach them a lesson, solve the problem.

So, at those times, I throw out a few options (those of us in the experienced column realize there is seldom one option) and back it up with reasonable explanations.

Then I sit back, return the fruit-glazed glare from across the table, and feel a sense of accomplishment for the day.

Don't Mess with HR

This might be the job for me...

It's Not a Related Duty.....

Moochers. Don't you hate them? There are a couple of my coworkers with quite an annoying trait.

I already discussed my disdain for potlucks, but this is another issue entirely. Do you ever go out to lunch? Ask coworkers if they would like to join you? Do these coworkers then ask where you are going and ask you to bring something back?

Unfortunately, I have a couple of these mooching divas as coworkers.

I realize one logical conclusion could be that these coworkers simply don't want to go to lunch with me but they do this to everyone. Before you jump to conclusions and blame me for asking them, consider this.....

One of them used to go frequently so it seems reasonable she might go. The other one incessantly complains that she is never included so we ask her.

I don't mind picking something up once in a while but I am not your lunch cart. What tops this off is the twisted face I get when I say I am going somewhere they don't like. That takes some balls. So sorry to inconvenience you with my shitty lunch choice.

I don't ask anymore but while I am on the subject of annoying coworker behaviors, here is a list:

• Personal friends at work who chat in offices/cubes for hours on end while others need them for a business reason. Taking this a step further, these people complain about how unfair it is for others to consider their personal friendship at work. Stop advertising it and maybe people will stop throwing it in your face.
  
• Snappy, grumpy women who cannot be approached for fear of pissing them off. I approach anyway because I welcome the opportunity to get snapped at (actually because I am too busy to wait for the mood elevators to kick in).
  
• Children. There is a never ending power struggle in my office between those with kids versus those who don't. Some with children use their children as excuses for particular schedules and those without don't want to have their lives impacted for someone else's kids. On the surface, it makes perfect sense but it's never that simple. Everyone has other responsibilities, however children are an easy target. At the same time, children should change your life, not your coworkers.


• Cell phones. Don't leave your cell phone at your desk, with the ringer louder than a fire engine. You may want to consider the music you have as a ringer, too. No one wants to hear the Rocky theme or "Baby Got Back" at top volume at work. Inappropriate or just plain stupid, both annoy your coworkers.


• People who don't take turns driving to seminars, lunches, etc. These people are first ones to ask who is driving or who can they go with, yet never offer to return the favor.

This is my quick list. Got any others?

Another Lesson

I recently taught one of my coworkers not to underestimate me. Of course, in the frustrating, anonymous spirit of my blog, I can't provide all the gory details but I will try to capture the gist of it.

This particular woman is a southern spoiled brat who tries to order everyone around. I apologize to any southern belles who may read my blog but she is Scarlett O'Hara minus the charm and good looks.

Despite her attempts to appear confident, she is the most insecure person you'd ever meet. She loves to make conversation simply to dig for information and fails miserably at appearing to be subtle. I used to be guarded and keep the conversation very general but now I amuse myself with her.

For example, when she asks me if I heard about a big project on the horizon and lays it on thick about how I will probably be chosen to lead it because I am loved and adored by upper management, I egg her on. Her over the top compliments are really jealousy and a miserable attempt to flatter me into submission but she thinks it works.

She has been trying to be covert about keeping me out of a great opportunity. I made a preemptive strike with our HR Manager and got his blessing to get what I needed. Needless to say, she doesn't know how I figured out her plan AND took it a step further by getting his buy-in to include me. The look on her face was priceless.

On a side note, I will be applying for a job she tried to banter with me about a few weeks ago. I denied I was interested but now I think I will throw my hat in the ring. If I actually got it, she would have a nervous breakdown.