Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Cruel & Unusual Punishment

Is it possible to endure this at work? Many times, while I sit in meetings, I think about prisoners sitting in their cells with no responsibility. They have a TV and a cushy cot while I am sitting in a hard chair listening to some idiot rant and rave about meaningless things. During such times, I generally focus on a spot on the wall or someone's face and find my happy place. It's all I can do not to scream at the top of my lungs or lay my weary head down on the table and take a nap.

To keep this charade going, it is important to follow these steps:
  1. Choose a seat out of the limelight, preferably away from the person leading the meeting.

  2. Appear genuinely interested in the meeting. You can accomplish this by nodding once in a while. Bonus points for actually making a comment or asking a question.

  3. Appear to take notes. If you really want to look good, nod your head and smile while taking those notes. No one has to know you are creating a shopping or hit list.

  4. Perfect the art of watching the time. Again, your seat choice can be crucial here. I tend to pick a seat with a view of a clock. Looking at your watch can be difficult to go unnoticed.

  5. Try to avoid sitting across from friends. Many times I have been caught rolling my eyes or giving a look to a friend that says, "Can you believe that idiot?"

  6. Be careful when making suggestions. Good suggestions have a nasty way of becoming projects......for you!

  7. If you can't take it anymore, try to work a comment like this in....."That's a great idea, since time is getting short (actually my patience), maybe we can discuss that at the next meeting."

  8. If your attempt to end a meeting fails, don't be ashamed to leave the room for a few minutes. Sure, people might think you have bladder issues, but at this point, do you care? If someone verbalizes such a thought, feel free to sue the company for discrimination based on a health condition.


Anonymous said...

Oh, these are good.
I avoid wearing a watch when I have formal functions to go to because the time moves much slower if you do.

If something looks to be a big yawner, I have a nondescript paper on hand that I just jot ideas and tangents on, rather than notes. I figure it's better to use the time at least remotely productively given that I do absolutely nothing most of the day.

Victoria said...

The big talking heads at my job are usually like "we'll make a meeting, to make a meeting, to make a meeting", it doesn't make sense so you end up not just in one boring meeting but like four or five; thanks for the tips.

Kenny said...

I would like to add that one can tally the filler words the boss uses ie "like" "uh huh" "stuff" my other favorite is to see how long I can hold my breath. You might need to give your friend across the table a heads up in case you pass out. My personal best is 1:51. This is without wild gasping at the end. You still have to be sly.