Big Brother No Stars

I am a Big Brother addict. This season is an all star cast so it has been enjoyable. I was watching it the other night and realized there are employees at my company who could be on this show. Of course it would need to be called "Big Brother No Stars" but it would still be amusing.

The whole idea of plotting against people you are stuck with makes it comparable to work. We don't get to choose our coworkers, right?

Here is my list of how work is like Big Brother:

• Alliances. Choosing a good one is the difference between winning at Big Brother and work. If you don't think there are alliances at work, you must be self-employed. This is the difficulty when starting a new job...figuring out who is aligned with who. While I wish they weren't necessary, I do have a few alliances. These are people I know I can depend on to brainstorm with. They know who they are and a couple read my blog.
  
• Crappy food. The food options at my company are horrible. Basically vending machines full of fat and calories. There is a direct correlation between my job and the size of my ass. On Big Brother, some of the houseguests have to eat slop. Slop is what we have for our biannual department meetings.
  
• Manipulative women. I used to believe women got a bad rap for being manipulative. Then I started working. Women are the worst people to work with. They are petty, underhanded, catty, and downright nasty at times. I should have chosen a male-dominated profession. Big Brother is full of manipulation but at least you can win $500,000 for your trouble. If I could make that kind of money for three months of work, I would jump at it.
  
• Surprises. The motto of Big Brother is "Expect the Unexpected." This should be the screensaver of every computer in Corporate America. Just when you think you know what is coming, something (or someone) knocks you on your ass.
• Sleeping arrangements. On Big Brother, the contestants sleep in the same room and often, the same bed. Offices are becoming rare these days so welcome to the maze called cubeland.
• Competition. Teamwork is a misnomer. While you can work with a team and be a productive member of it, everything IS a competition of sorts. If you don't realize work is a chessboard you are constantly moving on, you will find yourself knocked off before you can say "Checkmate."
  

In closing, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Also, if you drive in the fast lane and are passed by more than one car, I hope your transmission falls out.